Can't Hardly Wait

The Movies That Made Me #1

I spent 2024 teaching over 400 preachers something I call Sermon Story. Simply, it’s how to craft a sermon in a 3-Act structure. 3-Act structure is how all your favorite books, musicals, movies, and TV shows are constructed. It’s simple how humans communicate, whether we realize it or not.

That being said, I want to spend a few posts unpacking some of my favorite movies and why I think they have (1) much to teach us, and (2) share how they have shaped me personally. Now, you may be asking, “Sean, are you saying movies shaped your worldview, theology, philosophy, and the rest?” If so, the answer is “yes.” They’ve shaped yours too. Martin Scorsese says, “Movies touch our hearts and awaken our vision, and change the way we see things. They take us to other places, they open doors and minds. Movies are the memories of our lifetime, we need to keep them alive.”

Scorsese is right, but it’s not just movies, but all well-told stories. Stories are how we communicate. They are how we process and grow and learn. Stories are the way we communicate our intentions, feelings, regrets, and aspirations.

One of my favorite movies, and one people are always shocked that I adore is Can’t Hardly Wait. Can't Hardly Wait is a 1998 movie about a high school graduation party starring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ethan Embry.

Its is technically a 90s teen comedy, but screenwriter Deborah Kaplan is a few years older than me. What comes across as a movie about teens at a party, it is really about a young adult — Deborah Kaplan — reflecting on high school and questions about belonging and identity. While the film takes place at a graduation party, the themes are the same ones philosophers have wrestled with for ages. In high school, lunchroom stratification, grades, puberty, individuation from parents, and the other upheavals of adolescence blind us to our own selves, what we are doing, and who we are become.

The first major theme of Can’t Hardly Wait is fate vs free will. Preston believes he and Amanda are fated to be together because of their love for a “shared breakfast pastry.” My wife and girls laugh about this, but it was this initial connection which anchors Preston’s feelings for Amanda. There are countless stories of couples who feel they were destined to be together based on less ground than this. They say, “it was meant to be,” but is anything? In college, female friends told me that when they noticed a guy, they would arrange to be in the same places they knew he would be. For the guys this came off as “we kept running into one another,” but the whole thing was constructed. You likely already believe one or the other — God brought you together or agency did.

A second theme is what we sacrifice for inclusion. Every character, except close friends, Preston and Denise, sacrificed who they were natively to be included. Kenny sacrificed his childhood friendship with Denise. Amanda gave herself completely away to Mike Dexter. Mike gives away Denise to have a summer of fun before college and encourages his friends to likewise. At a graduation party, all they have sacrificed to be “in” in high school begins to dissolve and they see that it wasn’t worth it. This is what Deborah Kaplan — in her 20s — is reflecting on from high school. After high school, each must undertake a fundamental personality and identity reset.

The characters who stayed more closely to their nature have an easier time transitioning to the next phase than those who chose a shallow identity for the sake of popularity, best portrayed in a conversation between Mike Dexter and the retuning Trip McNeely, a former high school football player who has struggled to adjust to the pecking order of college life, where academics and not athletics and immaturity are not valued.

All of these feeds the largest theme, that of the impermanence of social hierarchies. At the top of the social pyramid sits Mike Dexter, the archetypal jock and popular guy. His status is reinforced by his relationship with Amanda the most sought-after girl in school. Their coupling represents the pinnacle of high school social achievement, embodying the ideals of physical attractiveness and social desirability that dominate teenage culture.

At graduation, Amanda reveals the hollowness of this social apex. Her lament, “If I’m not Mike’s girlfriend, who am I?” underscores the fragility of identity when it’s solely based on social status. Her growth and self-discovery were arrested by this relationship, but Preston has always seen more in her and she begins to seek out the one person in her world who actually sees her.

Social change happens for other characters too.

William Lichter represents the bottom rung of the social ladder. A stereotypical nerd, he’s subjected to bullying and exclusion. However, his arc in the film - from seeking revenge to becoming the unexpected life of the party - subverts expectations and critiques the superficiality of social rankings.

Kenny Fisher’s character adds another layer to the social hierarchy discussion. His appropriation of hip-hop culture and affected speech patterns represent an attempt to climb the social ladder by adopting a “cooler” identity. While problematic by today’s standards, Kenny reflects the complex interplay between race, culture, and social status in 1990s.

Denise Fleming actively rejects the social hierarchy. Her cynicism serves as a counterpoint to the social climbing and conformity exhibited by many of her peers. Her reluctance to attend the party and her eventual connection with Kenny in the bathroom scene suggest that genuine connections can form outside of prescribed social boundaries.

The party itself is a microcosm of high school society, with different areas of the house occupied by different cliques.

For me, the closing scene in the railroad station is one of my favorites. I don’t know why, but both Ethan Embry and Jennifer Love Hewitt display a restrained eagerness, vulnerability, and authenticity that makes the whole movie come together. I can watch that scene over and over and over again…and have!

I know Can’t Hardly Wait is not high art, but it criminally underrated.