"And That's Okay"

Reflections on Growing Up In An Age of Cultural Vengeance

My wife’s dad had a saying that I never understood until recently. When talking about a choice a friend or loved one made, or in conversation about the different arguments around a theological or cultural hot topic, and even when someone had betrayed or mistreated him, whether in the past or present, he’d look down at the floor and say, “and that’s ok.”

As a young man, I was often incredulous. Like most young people, everything felt deep and urgent and monstrously important. Each disagreement, controversy, or mistreatment required total response if not total war. I could not understand how whatever it was we were talking about was “okay.”

It wasn’t okay.

At least not to me.

And I didn’t think it should be okay with him either.

But I’m an older man now. In fact, I’m older now than he was when we first met. Now, I know what he meant.